There was a girl sitting on the beach crying. She had no arms and no legs.
A guy walks buy and asks her why she's crying.
She says, "I've never been hugged before."
So he hugs her, but she keeps crying. Starting to feel awkward, the guy asks her why she's still crying.
She says, "I've never been kissed before."
So he gives her a kiss, but she is still crying. Feeling even more awkward, he asks her why she's still crying.
She says, "I've never been screwed before."
So he picks her up and throws her into the ocean yelling, "YOU'RE SCREWED NOW BITCH!"
BlackBlade
Some one please Shoot GH.
Spirit Wolf
Yes, I know it's sick, but not as sick as some of the jokes I know.
BlackBlade
I don't want to hear them.... now if you excuse me a pump at the pool (where my second job was until I broke my arm) Exploded and I'm the only one in town and on the pal roll that knows how to shut it off and get the backup online. I should be back around 7pm.
Spirit Wolf
time for a blond joke.
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blond 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette swam 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blond swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'
A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, "How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?" "Um, just a minute, if you please," he murmured. Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, "Thank you," as the phone went dead
GaryWilliams
So these two newfies are out in a boat......
So a brunette was driving along a road and she came across a feild full of sheep. When she pulled over, she found them incedable friendly and ute so she asked the shepard, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in this field will you give me one?"
The shepard though about it for a while then said, "If yuo can tell me exactly how many sheep I have, I'll let you pick one of your own"
She though for a minute then gave her answer. To the shepard surprise it was the exact number. He let her pick one, and she choose the cutest, cuddliest one she could see.
As she was walking to her car, the shepard called after, "If I can guess Your true hair colour, will you give me my animal back?"
She said yes and he said, "You're a blonde."
Aghast, she asked him how he had figured it out.
To which he replied, "You took my dog."
Zymeth
1.
A blonde walks into an appliance store and asks, "Can I buy this TV?"
The clerk replies, "No, we don't sell things to blondes."
She comes in the next day with her hair dyed brown and asks again, "Can I buy this TV?"
Again, the clerk replies, "No, we don't sell things to blondes."
She comes in the day after that with green hair and asks a third time, "Can I buy this TV?"
"No, we don't sell things to blondes."
Frustrated, the blonde yells, "How can you tell I'm a blonde!?"
The clerk looks at her and says, "Because that's a microwave."
2.
A man jumps off a 20-story building, but slows just before he hits the ground. An astonished man on the ground asks him how he did that. The first man replies, "The way the wind works around here you can jump off the top of this building and it'll make you land safely on the ground." So the guy tries this, he jumps off the top and splatters on the ground. The first man walks back inside to the bar, where the bartender says, "Boy, you sure are mean when you're drunk Superman!"
3.
Three Americans are caught in Mexico without visas. They are sentenced to death. (It's like the 1700's or something...) The next morning, the first one came out and stood against a shooting-wall.
The directing officer prpares his men to shoot. "Ready... Aim..."
The American yells, "Tornado! Tornado!" All the guards turn around and the American runs away. The second one is brought out and the guards prepare again. "Ready... Aim..."
"Huricane! Huricane!" They turn and the American runs away. The last American is brought out. Seeing what the others did, he quickly thinks of a distraction. "Ready... Aim..."
He yells "Fire! Fire!"
