Lets give this a try

Kitsune · Lets give this a try

Well this is somewhat of a backstory of a character I have come up with.

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The rain came down softly on the ground and the young boys hair. Silver shinned in the snow white hair that covered his head. It dripped off his bangs and landed on his face. His ice-blue-rain-silver eyes were embraced by sorrow as he looked back at the town that was his home. Fire danced with the rain, bringing a sweet yet bitter light to the night. He could still hear the cries of his neighbors and friends as they burned in the flames warm, gentle, yet brutal touch. He felt a warm tear run down the side of his face, rubbing against his cheek. Something he didnt know he would never feel again for a long time. He still remembered the last thing he heard his sweet mother saying to him. "Manatu what ever you do it is for the right cause."
He couldnt stand hearing that running though his mind. Manatu felt sick to his stomach. The peopel he loved were dying by the hands of the very person they had come to trust and he ran. Manatu looked back and could see the man's shadow walking towards him. Manatu knew it was run...or fight for his peoples divine retribution. Manatu felt all sorrow shift into anger and hate towards the man he trusted. The man looked at him and smiled. "Arn't you glad to see your father still alive son."
Manatu never felt so angry before he could feel his sorrow turn into hate. "Father you killed Mother, you killed our friends, our fellow people. Why?! Why?! Would you do something like that."
His father just grinned with those silver eyes that reflected the moon's light. "My dear dear son, I killed them because they cared for a freak like you."
Manatu just glared at his Father, sure he was born with the ears of a fox and the tail of one, but his Mother still loved him and so did his Father, well so he thought. His tail swished back in forth in anger. Manatu grabbed the sword at his side and ripped it out of its sheath. Its snow white blade shinned in the light of the flames and moon. The hande was pitch black with three white stripes circling around it. A long grey chain flowed from the end of the handle. It was a blade his Mother had given him. He lunged at his father with all his force and stabbed him in the chest. Manatu's Father looked down at his son. Little did Manatu know, his Father never saw the attack, he thought the boy was still standing there. Scarlet drained from his chest till the man that was his Father was nothing but a pale ghost. Manatu took his sword out and saw that no blood rested on the white blade.
Manatu walked away from his Fathers corpse, that day he was reborn. Manatu Frost was only on his 14th year of his life on that day, it was also the last day of his innocense.

Durandal

Here's a preliminary list of corrections needed. They're in order as they appear, and I gave context clues to aid with identification. If there's any you don't understand just let me know.

The rain landed softly
young boy’s hair
Silver shined
snow-white
“ice-blue-rain-silver” (um... what?

)
sweet, yet bitter
warm and gentle, yet brutal, touch
Something he, at the time, didn’t
would not feel
mother say to him:
Manatu whatever you do, it
couldn’t
people
“and he ran” (um... what?

)
people’s
all his sorrow
he had trusted
aren’t
alive son?
Manatu had never
he could feel his sorrow turn into hate (repetition)
Father, you
Mother; you
friends; our
Why?! Why would
like that?
dear, dear
his Mother had still loved him, as had his Father, or so Manatu had thought at the time.
back and forth
snow white … shined (repetitive)
and the moon.
handle
pitch-black
attack; he
‘there’ is unclear
Father’s
corpse; that
only on the 14th year
day, but it
innocence

Kitsune

I knew there would be type-os was playing an online game while typing this up xD

Durandal

Considering that the goal of any posts in this section is to prove your abilities at creating works of literary art, that approach was not necessarily a wise one.

Kitsune

ginpu

Kitsune

I didnt post just to be insulted. If it makes you feel better to insult someone younger then you then...good for you.

BlackBlade

Spirit Wolf

Hey, lay off him Durandal. Not everyone is a perfectionist like you.

Durandal

Kitsune

lol I find it funny that you just want to be rude to me now and of course I dont know you.

Spirit Wolf

Well, I'll insult and try to protect you at the same time, BB'll just insult you.

Kitsune

lol im not even talking about the first post, I knew that was help and I appreciated it. It was the second post that got me thats all.

BlackBlade

Just drop he said he was done so he's done. Let it go.

ginpu

NNNNYYYTT!

Enough. No fighting. Don't make me go find Demecas.

I agree Durandal's response was a bit ouch. I believe the goal of this forum is to SHOW your RP skills and to get critiqued to IMPROVE them. Not to prove them, but IMPROVE them.

Kitsune, you also may have read his original intentions incorrectly, spurring his unfavorable reaction.

It's VERY hard to communicate effectively on the forums, and things are taken the wrong way, many many times. I'm the freaking master of being misunderstood.

Durandal is the spell checker and grammer god. He goes in and fixes many people's posts. Most don't even know it's occurred. I don't think his intention was to insult you Kitsune. His response about your approach may not have been a wise one, could be taken several ways. Even I thought ouch at first. but that could have been taken in stride or humor just the same.

So we are going to chalk this up to a misunderstanding in communication, would you both not agree? Neither of you are overly familiar with the other, and are both likely to have taken the apprehensive approach when not finding what the other has said as agreeable.

BlackBlade

I'm sure he has lots of fun with my posts......

I don't have MS Word on this comp yet.

Spirit Wolf

I have online spell check, so he probably does nothing with my posts.

Durandal

I think the post of mine in question was correctly understood. I was saying that the act of posting in a thread that is designated to prove your skill while you are distracted, and thus unable to write to your fullest potential, is rather stupid.

Is that not stupid? That's like taking the test for your driver's license after making sure you're good and drunk.

But... I'm not sure why the outrage. I said it in a much more polite way than: "hey! Yur a idiot!" It was not so much an insult as a 'perhaps you might want to think about that one a bit more in the future.'

And I don't edit posts all the time, only when there are missing words, really bad misspellings, accidental extra "[/color]"s, etc.

Dr. Salem

Online Spell check has nothing to do with grammar. Not to mention capitalization and punctuation. Durandal would also do those. One time he was even kind enough to reword a post (One word though).

Kitsune

now that you said that, I do agree it was stupid on my part to do that while distracted, probably even more that I didnt use microsoft word >_> *cough* yeah I know I can be stupid .....a lot....okay...most of my time. My bad for taking it so harshly. Now that I look at it...that was some of the worst writing I have ever done xD

Durandal

Well, hey. If that was the worst writing you've ever done than you have nothing to worry about.

And besides, I didn't even comment as to the contents of the writing. The short story was very well written, and your descriptions were vivid enough to bring images to mind.

In fact, I would actually like to apologize, because I should have included the positives of your posts in with the negatives, and had I done so this whole scenario would have likely been avoided.

I enjoyed reading the story and, although the errors distracted me at first, once I reread the edited version I found that the plot was interesting and definitely worth continuing the story to find out what happens next. I do like your style; very artistic.

I just tend to get distracted by the little details so much so that I sometimes miss the big picture.

ginpu

It's still to IMPROVE Durandal.

But as I figured, it was an error in misunderstanding the communications.

If anyone uses FireFox, it has a built in spell checker. You just have to turn it on. It puts squiggly red lines under the words it doesn't understand. You simply right click, and select the correct spelling from its list. Sometimes, it doesn't know the word you are spelling. Such as on my screen it's all going wtf is a Durandal? You can tell it to add to dictionary as well, like in the case of Durandal's name, so that it doesn't flag it as misspelled in the future.

Kitsune

np ty for the compliments

My english teacher did always like my writing...he insisted on me to start again when he heard I had stopped. I hope to get him again soon he was one of the best teachers I have ever had.

Durandal

MS Word does the same thing though, Ginpu. And if you've ever accidentally clicked away from the page in which you were writing a reply you know exactly why writing in MS Word is such a major boon.

As for English teachers, I haven't had a good or nice one since the sixth grade. I had the creepy one who bragged about the failure rate in her class. There was the weird one who held funerals outside her portable for broken pencils. And the hippy one who was the most absent-minded person I've ever known (she wasn't that bad though). English has always been my weak point though. I'm more of a science/math person.

And... yeah. Thanks for working out the conflicts for us, Ginpu. I swear, you're like our mother.

ginpu